You know what I could really use right now? A nice incisive piece of writing by me.<\/p>\n
The occasional gasps that escape from me onto this blog suggest that I am being completely consumed by my work. I wish this was true and also a good thing. I would like to “work” at something that is worth doing whole-heartedly.<\/p>\n
Actually, as much as I am staying busy with work, I am defending my own time as much as I really care to. Rather than waiting to have some travel forced on me with 48 hours notice, I am scheduling my own travel. When I’m travelling, I work the hours I choose to work; if it’s more than eight, it’s because I decided I’d like to work. If I don’t do anything interesting when I leave work, it’s because I chose not to try. Sometimes I amuse myself, but more often I either mope or work. It is surprisingly hard to mope when you are not home, so mostly I work.<\/p>\n
When I am home I sometimes start an hour early and finish an hour late for a ten hour day. Sometimes I do more. But sometimes I power on my computer not a moment too soon and shut it right on the hour. Then I will either join whatever my roomate is doing, or wait for him to come home and start doing something, or start doing something that I know he will join. From time to time I must do something that is not participatory, like pay my bills, but I try to get that out of the way.<\/p>\n
Writing is a solitary art. You participate with your own imagination. I have a reactive muse and feel more full of thoughts when I am interacting with someone. Thoughts and questions come to me throught the day, private reflections that I think would be interesting to write my way through, but when I reach the time of day that is my own I no longer want to have it all to myself.<\/p>\n
This is not necessarily bad. I admire the creativity that springs from an internal dialogue, but you can choose a goal that requires other people. You might join a community or adopt a visonary’s prospect. Working, playing, or thinking together can be useful and constructive.<\/p>\n
What rankles me, though, is my apparent dependence that amounts to little more than echoing the company around me. Take away my company and I am the ghost of a person, hibernating. I am a desloation awaiting visitation.<\/p>\n
When I am surrounded by work associates I can only think of what could be done to solve our problems, and I would give every effort to see it done. When I am with family, from whom all this work draws me away, I regard all that work as vanity and a reproach. Whoever I am around, I adopt the values I share with them as if it were all I had or cared for.<\/p>\n
It is socially convenient but personally disorienting. When I am alone I am unsure of what I am supposed to be pursuing. Take away my context and my definition goes with it.<\/p>\n
I have been feeling a little too spread out, and on a recent lunch hour I tried to marshall my thoughts around what I really wanted. If I am going too many different directions, what do I abandon and what do I embrace?<\/p>\n
It quickly turned out that I didn’t know. There are some things that I would like; I would like to be able to make music. To be able to play a song that expresses what is on my mind, without struggling to express it in my own words, promises a solace and a reflection that eludes mere function or entertainment. There are other things, too, worthy pursuits all; but I don’t really want to expend my effort unless someone else cares.<\/p>\n
What could be a more unstable guide to life than the inclinations of the nearby people? I might just as well drop all pretense and go into politics. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
You know what I could really use right now? A nice incisive piece of writing by me. The occasional gasps that escape from me onto this blog suggest that I am being completely consumed by my work. I wish this was true and also a good thing. I would like to “work” at something that is worth doing whole-heartedly. Actually, Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cleverdialectic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/315"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cleverdialectic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cleverdialectic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cleverdialectic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cleverdialectic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=315"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/cleverdialectic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/315\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":316,"href":"https:\/\/cleverdialectic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/315\/revisions\/316"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cleverdialectic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=315"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cleverdialectic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=315"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cleverdialectic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=315"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}