I got a bill and I thought to pay it like a good boy. I went to write a check but there were no checks in the checkbook. I went to get a new checkbook but the box was empty. I knew I had been running low but I thought I had at least one checkbook left! I go through checks a lot faster than I realize.

I thought to order some more checks. I got online to order some more checks. There was no way the checks would arrive before I left town. When I got back it would be too late to pay this bill.

I thought to pay this bill with credit card. But this bill will only allow me to set up scheduled electronic payments, starting with my next bill. Not this one.

I thought to order some more checks and maybe pay to rush them to me. To pay the ridiculously large fees for expediting so the company can make lots of money off of suckers like me who don’t know how to order checks after they write the last one, or replace toilet paper before they are stuck in a sticky situation.

To order more checks you must have the routing number that appears on the checks. And not on the duplicates. And apparently not on the deposit tickets either because I put that number in and it got rejected. I guess it’s a good thing they knew enough to check the number. Ahem.

Where can I get a check?

Finally I find a voided check, not in this run of checks but in the first run I ever had. Still with the same bank account, though, so I figure the routing number is still good. At least, it didn’t get rejected.

Oops now I put in the wrong check number for the next check. Ahem. Well I guess it’s a good thing they make you approve everything twice. Okay so here is the right check number. And here is my remaining three books of checks.

Um. Well. So I guess now I need to change the next check number again. I might as well order checks anyway, though, because now I sure don’t ever want to run out.

I ordered the checks. I wrote out the check I needed to. I glanced at the check number. Wait. I think I just ordered duplicates of two of these last three sets of checks. Argh! The order confirmation e-mail says to make any changes within 15 minutes. Has it been fifteen minutes? Should I call? Do I want to try to dispose of two books of duplicate checks?

Wait. Nevermind. I put the right number in. I think.

At this point I will be happy if I get some good checks and I do not get arrested.